I'm not so sure I want the full package. It scares me.

Last night I just started writing:

Are you there God? Are you really there? because you sure aren't acting like you are. But then again, neither am I. I'm not acting like your here either. So where does this leave me? Do I need to start acting like you are there? Would that make it all better? If I am so important, why do I feel so alone and worthless? That at any moment you will punish me and take everything away. I guess the true question becomes, what will it take for me to acknowledge you are here? What will it take for me to finally submit to you? This whole time I've been angry with you, because you've been acting like you weren't here, but really, I have been angry with you because I have been pretending that you weren't here...

To be honest God, I'm not so sure I want the full package. It scares me.