Gravity of realtiy

I met a guy today that has a blood clot in his left arm that extends all the way up into his armpit area. If the clot starts to break apart and travel to his lungs or heart he would instantly die. At any moment he could just... well... die. Can you imagine? Can you imagine dealing with the stress, grief and awareness of this kind of thing? Can you imagine wondering with every breath? Can you imagine having to prepare for this?

Last week Mallory and I watched a mother permanantley say good bye to her 2 year old daughter. Can you imagine? Can you imagine putting your own child in the ground? Can you imagine the what if questions you would ask yourself? Can you imagine what you would have to say to their siblings? Could you imagine the feelings you might have toward God?

I watched a close friend of mine wrestle with heart break. A pastors heart that has to constantly set aside relationships and acknowledge morality. He can either stand against the flow or ignore actions in the name of peace and love? Can you imagine watching every facet of your life continually turn away from morality? Can you imagine watching every strong hold of your life turn to immorality? Can you imagine crushing heartbreak over your parents, siblings, close friends and then finally your own girlfriend? Can you imagine carrying that burden? Can you imagine standing against all those that are close to you and individually telling them 'what you are doing is not right'. Can you imagine the heaviness and insanity? Can you imagine having to always be the role model or even parent of the family?

I read and experienced the story of a man who came to the realization that he only had six months to live. Can you imagine the dissapointment? Can you imagine the helplessness and sudden overwhelming fear of the unknown? Can you imagine your family having to move on? Can you imagine realizing your actually going to meet your maker?

I watched the news and saw an ice storm had conquered the south leaving hundreds of thousands stranded and without power. Can you imagine losing all your comforts in an instant? Within a 24 hour period you have become depedcent on handouts and a shelter for protection. Can you imagine the sudden fear and abandonment? The suddden helplessness? Can you imagine living life like this everyday like so many homeless families and abandones children do?

God.. love.. life.. reality... me... The the gravity of reality weighs heavy on my heart. I want it all to be perfect, I do. I don't understand why it's not. I don't understand God. I don't understand life and I don't think I want to. I just want to honestly and whole heartedly engage with it. So, how do I engage with it? God help me