what would you be doing, if you could do anything?

So, my friend Nathaniel was telling me a story a while back of a small group session he went to where a friend of his there asked the infamous question "if you could be doing anything right now, what would you be doing?" she then verbally smacked everyone with the startling follow up question, "well then why aren't you doing that right now?" I had a good laugh at the fact that someone could actually cause my friend to be speechless and I pushed the idea to the back burners. Until recently.

I have recently had the pleasure of sitting under the teaching of Michael Ramsden of RZIM, during some weekend services he taught at our church. I have always loved apologetics and practically pant and beg at the idea of RZIM teaching anywhere close to me. Any kind of apologetics rejuvenate me and get the blood pumping so-to-speak. So you can imagine, I have been loving this weekend. Although, my biggest takeaway from this past weekend was not any particular answer to a million dollar question. Instead, my biggest takeaway from the weekend was a swift kick in the butt, from myself. Why have I walked away from my Bible? Why have a walked away from studying apologetics? Why have I blamed God and been so angry and bitter?

I have been pouting about in my faith for a multitude of reasons, which have all became blatantly clear to me. In a short sense, I have realized that I am not called to be a preacher. I have been putting my eggs into a basket that I assumed to be the right one. Turns out I was wrong. Who knew? (only everyone around me). I've approached ministry wrong and I've been bitter for it.

If I could make a living answering questions about the Chrisitan faith, I'd do it. Put me in a setting where people can hammer me with questions, and you'll never see me more alive. I don't know if debating is necessarily what I mean, because I don't believe my opponent in any debate would have any interest in hearing the answers. I think debates can easily become ego driven and center around control, not content. However, during this weekends services, the church passed out 3x5 cards where anyone could write any question they had on that card and Michael Ramsden would spend a few minutes addressing a few of these cards at the end of his lecture. You wouldn't believe the stack of cards he got back! He of course only had time for half a dozen. Everyone has questions, and if you become a follower of Christ, then the questions really began. This is what I'm wired for! As Ravi says, let His people think. I have and overwhelming desperate sense to see those questions, I want to see what people are thinking, I want to have an opportunity to address some of them. Weird huh?

A lot of Pastors dream about going into ministry under the impression they will get to spend a lot of time reading their bible. This thought really doesn't appeal to me, plus any current Pastor will tell you that this dream is wrong. 95% of their time is spent with people and questions, and the sermon prep time is left to homework. Maybe I'm not meant to be a preacher, but maybe an apologist of sorts. Maybe not, only God knows. I will submit to this fact.