angry

I haven’t blogged much lately because I have been angry and living in sin. I have been very angry. I have been down right bitter. In fact I have been so bitter I forget what I was so bitter about to start with. I have been lost in a whirlwind of anger. Everything is spinning around me in this blur and occasionally I’ll catch a glance of something going on in my life. I have been so angry about my past, my parents, work, school, intimacy, etc… You name it I was enraged over it. I could picture myself being 80 years old and blaming God for how my one shot at life turned out. I thought I deserved more from God…

unbelief

All sin is rooted in unbelief.

The Lord spoke, "Would you discredit my justice?
Would you condemn me to justify yourself? Job 40:8

Pride has dominated my life

Wow, have I been ensnared in a trap of lies! Pride has dominated my life! For the so many weeks now I have been gloomy and depressed, mopping around like a dillweed. What makes me think I deserve anything? Pride had choked out any sensibility I had. I found myself bitter about every little thing because it justified my pride. In my mind God was wrong and I was right. Bitterness over broken situations was just feeding my ego because it proved to me that everyone else is wrong, nobody can get it right, and everyone else is to blame for my life.

Or could it be that I don’t deserve a thing, in fact the only thing I might deserve is to be given over to my own desires. For God to turn me over to my anger and pride and let them control my life.

That sounds exactly like what’s happening to… what a minute…

bearing the burden

Mike,

How long will you keep bearing the burden? How long will you keep trying to carry the weight you have taken upon yourself? When will you trust God? How much will it take?

You can hardly stand on your own anymore…

Little sayings!?!?

~Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.

~What most people need to learn in life is how to love people and use things, instead of using people and loving things.

These little sayings keep popping up in my life. Constantly pecking at me and my need for humility. I struggle with humility. My pride is deep. My soul wants the attention. My soul craves control. Can I ever fully trust Him to care for me in that most vulnerable state?